Rethinking How and Why We Gather

Purpose:

“A leader’s responsibility is to ensure that members are so clear about their reason for being at a meeting and for why the team exists that this question never crosses their mind” – Elena Aguilar, The Art of Coaching Teams.

What teacher hasn’t heard the plaintive cries of a student asking, “Why do I have to know this?” Adults may have learned to keep the question to themselves, but defining the purpose of a meeting is nonetheless a critical aspect in honoring and respecting the time and voice of those in the room with us. I would submit that if you can’t identify the why of a meeting, it is worth reconsidering whether that meeting needs to take place. Towards this end, I have cultivated the discipline of articulating the goals of every meeting (noted at the top of every agenda) and the purpose of every element of the agenda. Forcing myself to pause to ensure that I can articulate a clear purpose for the meeting and each of its elements ensures that I can also make that purpose clear to every attendee. While the goals of the meeting as a whole are highly contextual, identifying the purpose of each meeting element may be easier than you think. Many agenda items are likely to fall into the following categories: grounding, building relationships and connection, sharing information, making a decision, generating ideas, solving a problem or refining a solution, reflecting, practicing a skill, and closure.

Priming:

“You need to attend to your guest in the pregame window in proportion to the risk and reward you are asking of them.” – Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering

Except for the honored guest at a surprise party, meeting (or party) participants appreciate knowing what they are walking into. As Parker notes, the more one expects of a participant during the meeting, the more preparation and care is required prior to the meeting. Is there a podcast to listen to or article to read to prompt ideas? Should participants review their notes from a prior meeting and come prepared to give updates? Will participants be expected to reflect with vulnerability on a decision or event that didn’t go as planned? At the very least, a detailed agenda in advance of the meeting helps participants show up ready to engage and primed to make the most of their time together.

Opening:

“In many gatherings, your guests will benefit from being carried across a proverbial threshold, leaving the wide world and entering your small kingdom.” – Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering

Parker’s notion of a threshold is one of the most compelling nuggets (of which there are many) in her book The Art of Gathering. We each show up differently in different spaces, types of meetings, and configurations of colleagues. An intentional meeting opening invites participants to consider, “How do I want to show up in this space, today?” and provides space for emotional connection and development of shared purpose. Quaker schools begin every meeting with a moment of silence—a chance to gather one’s thoughts, mentally crossing Parker’s threshold. An opening question, emotional check-in, funny video, reflective poem, or background music can all set the stage for a gathering and send cues for the meeting tone and the tenor of the work ahead. For standing meetings and retreats, a set of agreed-upon norms can go a long way towards helping participants to show up as the best versions of themselves. Revisiting agreed-upon norms at the outset of a meeting invites participants to ask themselves, “Who do I aspire to be in this space, with these people, and how can I contribute to our team doing our best work?”

There are countless resources for meeting openers, but here are a few of my favorites: Blobs in a Tree (an online search will offer several examples) and its cousin, the Pirate Ship Exercise; silly emotional check-ins (search for “sheep scale check-in,” as an example); improv games; and storytelling with image cards. Each of these openers can last just a few minutes or can be expanded for a more in-depth discussion.

Closing:

“It is your job to help your guests close [the world of your gathering], decide what of the gathering they want to carry with them, and reenter all that from which they came.” – Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering

Just as it is important to attend to participants as they step over the threshold into a meeting, it is critical to attend to them as they leave a meeting. Who hasn’t held on awkwardly at the end of a Zoom meeting, waiting for closure and a sign that the meeting is over? My colleagues used to tease me for the way I moved into synthesis mode at the end of every meeting I facilitated, but it was my way of tying a bow on our time together, preparing us to transition from one way of being to another. Much like opening routines, closing routines can last mere minutes—or seconds. When pressed for time, a single, unison clap works well to signal the end of a gathering and is particularly fun in larger groups, like a faculty meeting. For a reflective ending, the leader might invite attendees to revisit an opening question or intention, reflect on how the group did holding the norms, or read a poem together. On the more task-oriented end of the spectrum, summarizing key points, decisions, and action items orients participants to the work ahead. And it is hard to go wrong by closing with individual or corporate gratitude.

The more I learn and practice the art of facilitation, the more convinced I am that we unwittingly leave enormous opportunity in the table when we don’t design meetings with the same intention that we design a ninth grade English class or a Lower School science lesson. At the SAIS Annual Conference, President Brett Jacobsen challenged conference-goers to consider the weight of the past, the push of the present, and the pull of the future. We spend much of our school days in the push of the present—organizing, solving problems, creating value, and building relationships moment-to-moment. Thoughtfully constructed meetings can play a critical role in capitalizing on these moments, as school leaders tend to the present while preparing for the future.

For continued reading:

The Art of Coaching Teams, Elena Aguilar

The PD Book: 7 Habits that Transform Professional Development, Elena Aguilar and Lori Cohen

Unreasonable Hospitality, Will Guidara

The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters, Priya Parker

If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?, Alan Alda